O-My-Damn Blog
The old entries were never lost (but have been abbreviated for the sake of all).

July 22, 2007 - Sunday
Beyond Myself
Pain overcomes me like never before
Looking for light behind a closed door
Hoping for someone to relinguish my heart
Never thinking you and I would be apart

July 20, 2007 - Friday
No more.
Do you ever wish you could have something just beyond your threshold? Reach out and have it fall into your palms? Feel a tingle throughout your entire body as you wrap your fingers around it? Right at the very moment you need it most?

July 10, 2007 - Tuesday
This is my pain.
Current mood: lethargic
If you thought before I felt pain you can't imagine my soul now. Silently I'll move onward, but never straying from the heart of the matter. Simple love turned inward to complex subjects. Thinking all along this would be a new story and in reality it was only a different narrator.

July 7, 2007 - Saturday
Saying good bye.
Current mood: sad
He sat by my side when pops and the kid yelled and threw furniture across the room downstairs. He quietly snuggled in my arms when the cops came through the crib. He felt my terror without hesitation and took it on as his own as a pistol rested on my temple. The things he has seen. The moments he's experienced. He knew I needed him and stayed strong till he knew I was ready to move forward with clarity and focus, not distractions from the past. He waited for me to be prepared to manage the next big blow without his presence. I take his passing as a sign God has made me stonger than ever before. Although I dare not speak his name, I couldn't have more love and respect. We'll miss you little man. No day will ever be the same without you.

July 4, 2007 - Wednesday
Strength and Courage
Current mood: indescribable
Everyone always applauds how strong I am. They praise my courage, independence and audacity. Yet sometimes I want to be weak. Admittance of my fears and shedding my tears may do this chic some good.

July 2, 2007 - Monday
His Pain
Current mood: blank
Contrary to a post this weekend, feeling are not for the weak and lonely. Tomorrow you could be gone and nothing pains me more. However his grief has me numb. His trembling voice scares me to death and it is the end bringing him to his knees. I need you so much right now and can't ask for your presence. The man who has stood in front of me my entire life steadfast and unwavered quivers as he writes. How can I be strong? Why can't I for once rely on another? There are no more tears. I lack all words. Tomorrow shall come and just maybe I'll find the wind at my wings once more. But if not, if I should not fly, I will always love you.

June 4, 2007 - Monday
Not such a funny little thing called love.
Current mood: discontent
Just because you love someone doesn't mean they will love you in return. If they do, they may not love you equally. And they could love you equally but in another way. A few days ago I finally let this reality reach into my soul and take grip of my heart.

May 30, 2007 - Wednesday
May 23rd, 8:58pm
Current mood: blessed
Category: blessed Life
I heard his voice on the other line, sobbing, hysterical, scarred, and couldn't even recognize the composed father I had always known. He blurted out, "You're mom had a heart attack." and he kept repeating he couldn't find my phone number like he was lost. I didn't know how to respond or what to do. I told him I was on my way, got off the phone and tears began pouring down my face. My parents live in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Orange County, VA, and my mom was taken via helicopter to UVa hospital. I called two people who quickly got directions and kept in contact with me during my entire commute as I continued to pray for her to be alive. I asked God to take me instead of my mom because I didn't want to be without her. Twenty miles from UVa I got the call she was stable and to go back to my parent's home until morning. I watched the clock until 6am rolled around and I could prepare for one of many visits to the hospital.
I learned they lost my mom entirely on the table twice. Once during the heart attack and a second time while placing a stint in her artery. I can not thank everyone from God, the doctors and nurses at Culpepper and UVa hospitals, my father who drove like hell to get my mom to the emergency room in the knick of time, all those who have sent card, flowers and many prayers across miles, and most of all my mom who has been a warrier in fighting to survive.
I love you beautiful lady and am blessed to have you in my life.

May 23, 2007 - Wednesday
A Force of Nature
Current mood: grateful
Category: Life
From the first moment you walked into my life that March afternoon I loved you. I was scared, but you eased all my fears within minutes. It was an instant connection that has developed into the strongest friendship I've ever experienced.
I am confident in being able to take on the challenges before me, but you make me better. I can't thank you enough for dealing so patiently with my latest episode of indecisiveness. Although it was not a negative problem you helped me through a crossroad in my life.
Regardless of money, time, distance or differences, you are my heart, soul and everything. Thank you for finally showing me what true happiness is about. I will always love you.

May 22, 2007 - Tuesday
My dad's words of encouragement.
Current mood: scared
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
I can't help but love him more than any one (except you superman because you are amazing) despite the past. He is my cheerleader while also being my mentor and confidant. His respect for me and my choices means the world to me and today he helped me sort through the most decision in my life to date. He ended it all by stating, "What makes you – you --- is that once you make up your mind and focus – great things happen.". This is coming from a man who does not believe at all in blowing smoke up someone's ass. Thank you dad. I only hope I can be half the (wo)man you are.

May 9, 2007 - Wednesday
What I can't wait for....
Current mood: grateful
Category: Travel and Places
To see mom, dad, grandma and grandpa this weekend! It's been months since I've seen the fam and spent time down on the farm (those of you who know me know all about this city girl's country side). I might even have some new pics :)
A second (and very late) reaction.
Current mood: determined
Category: Life
I think I thanked you previously, but I want you to realize your consistent and complete confidence in me has always been a motivation. You continue to know me like only few ever will despite your distance. Your belief in my strength got me through a very tough time in my life. More trials are on the near horizon and I will try my best to be strong, but it helps to know your soul is watching over from afar and making sure I always fly.

March 26, 2007 - Monday
Track 11
Current mood: calm
Category: Music
You are my lullaby. Putting me at ease. Giving me peace.
March 12, 2007 - Monday
A Mystery.
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
A mystery.
Was it a missed opportunity or an unconquered mission? Is this a second chance at a long lost possibility?
I find myself in your arms with your fingers touching my soul. It's melting in the notion of being your true love.

March 1, 2007 - Thursday
An Amazing Moment
Current mood: happy
Category: Life
February 27, 2007 - I felt an unborn baby kick for the first time.
What can be more amazing than a new life developing under the palm of your hand?

February 28, 2007 - Wednesday
Favorite Quote Vault
Current mood: lethargic
Category: Blogging
A woman who is convinced that she deserves to accept only the best challenges herself to give the best. Then she is living phenomenally. (M.Angelou)
A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song. (M. Angelou)
Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. (L. Hughes)
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
"Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground. (T. Roosevelt)"

February 25, 2007 - Sunday
What is Love (a work in progress)
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life
Love
It sneaks up
Attacks in the dark
Creeps in the soul
Engulfs the heart
Diminishes insecurities
Settles into thought
Gives the best of life
Finds emotion sought
February 21, 2007 - Wednesday
Thank You - a first reaction
Current mood: exhausted
I'm grateful to be a recipient of your prose. Your words are worth gold. A lot of truth with just enough grace. I miss them often.

February 17, 2007 - Saturday
Death
Current mood: sad
The phone rang. You're gone. The tears pour on.
Thank you for everything you've done. The words of encouragement. The challenges so I could grow. You've given me knowledge to carry with me the rest of my life. Until I see you again. I will always remember you. I will always love you.