I guess after you spend so many Saturdays in the house alone, it gets easier to accept that I'm an ol' lady living inside a 25 year old body (okay, after taking a week off the gym, my body feels old too). Sad, I tell ya. But it's not phasing me at all which is a little scary in itself.

I've noticed that I write in this space mostly when I'm unhappy which may explain why their are not entries on a regular basis. Most of the time I am a positive person, but I'm not sure I know how to express it. I've come to the conclusion that I am most passionate about those things I struggle with most. I need to make a resolve to start expressing myself in good and bad times. Most of all, I need to stop focusing on those things that give me the blues.

On that note...I am sooooooooooooooooo excited to have a contract on a condo, especially one that is sure to increase substantially in value in the matter of months! I was seriously contemplating moving south, but have re-examined my options and will be an official home buyer in about five days. Of course, I'm nervous as hell, but it's that good nervousness that makes my stomach tingle not flutter like when I'm taking a big exam (okay so I'm a cornball because I still get anxious over school). Regardless, this is huge news that I can not stop smiling about. I'm sure I'll come off the high soon enough, but for now I'm going to revel in every moment.

i need to admit to the world (especially to all those who think i have my life planned out on a detailed timeline with every milestone) that I have no idea what i want to do "when i grow up"...all i do know is that i want to finish this degree program (which has become a challenge at every turn) and i want to buy a house without resorting to an interest only loan and paying a minimum of $20,000 between what i qualify for and the sale price of the cheapest house i can find outside of sw washington, d.c. (which is nearly impossible). i guess if i wanted things easily within reach i wouldn't be a manigross, but damn!

looking at my blotched toe nails, i realize the need to stop be a frugal ass female and get them professionally done.

looking out the window wanting so much more. exactly what i can not define. people looking in think the world is all mine. truth be told, i lack sleep, fear being alone, and happiness seems so far away.

i pulled off straight a's this semester while landing the job i've wanted to conquer for the last two years. the journal has much potential. hip-hop matters is well on its way.

but none of that makes me smile while i sit here alone at the end of the day. i don't feel fulfilled. my hunger for success is not satisfied. my desire to give love is strong, my ability to accept another weak.

why do i shed tears on the forgotten past. you walked away and never looked back, proclaiming all along that you left your heart with me. i am the fool who believed. you've replaced me in short time notice. i applaud your quickness. with ease you've found your greatest happiness. people tell me chin up. it wasn't right anyway. i'm the only one who never got a say. so i'll shed tears one more night and give into reality without a fight.

Parentals are flying the nest - the new crib http://www.realtor.com/Prop/1043400303

(the pic does not do this house justice!)

One of my co-workers sent the following and I can't help but agree....

"Love him or loathe him, he nailed this one right on the head.........."

By Rush Limbaugh:

I think the vast differences in compensation between victims of the September 11 casualty and those who die serving our country in Uniform are profound. No one is really talking about it either, because you just don't criticize anything having to do with September 11. Well, I can't let the numbers pass by because it says something really disturbing about the
entitlement mentality of this country. If you lost a family member in the September 11 attack, you're going to get an average of $1,185,000. The range is a minimum guarantee of $250,000, all the way up to $4.7 million.


If you are a surviving family member of an American soldier killed in action, the first check you get is a $6,000 direct death benefit, half of which is taxable.

Next, you get $1,750 for burial costs. If you are the surviving spouse, you get $833 a month until you remarry. And there's a payment of $211 per month for each child under 18. When the child hits 18, those payments come to a screeching halt.

Keep in mind that some of the people who are getting an average of $1.185 million up to $4.7 million are complaining that it's not enough. Their deaths were tragic, but for most, they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Soldiers put themselves in harms way FOR ALL OF US, and they and their families know the dangers.

We also learned over the weekend that some of the victims from the Oklahoma City bombing have started an organization asking for the same deal that the September 11 families are getting. In addition to that, some of the families of those bombed in the embassies are now asking for compensation as well.

You see where this is going, don't you? Folks, this is part and parcel of over 50 years of entitlement politics in this country. It's just really sad. Every time a pay raise comes up for the military, they usually receive next to nothing of a raise. Now the green machine is in combat in the Middle East while their families have to survive on food stamps and live in low-rent housing. Make sense?

However, our own U.S. Congress voted themselves a raise. Many of you don't know that they only have to be in Congress one time to receive a pension that is more than $15,000 per month. And most are now equal to being millionaires plus. They do not receive Social Security on retirement because they didn't have to pay into the system.

If some of the military people stay in for 20 years and get out as an E-7, they may receive a pension of $1,000 per month, and the very people who placed them in harm's way receives a pension of $15,000 per month.

I would like to see our elected officials pick up a weapon and join ranks before they start cutting out benefits and lowering pay for our sons and daughters who are now fighting.